Despite all the hype you may hear and some of the cheesy ways they try to build it up, there is no doubt that Ace’s poker tournament really is the sporting event of the year.

The game starts early.

It’s 10 am and most of the players are there already, in the house is Ace, Woody, Nice Guy Eddie,  Chef, Alejandro and in walks J6 and the Rapper.

Alejandro comments that the only way to get a semi-tight game in against the Rapper is to start it early enough in the day to ensure that the Rapper hasn’t already started in on the coctails. The Rapper quips back that it would be a good strategy if he had actually gone to sleep last night and wasn’t still on a roll from the night before.

Cards are drawn to decide seats and the players each take their briefcase of cash to the teller to get their chips.

Ace has set up the place perfectly again this year, he even has those little tables behind the seats so you can put your drinks on them.

Gentlemen, shuffle up and deal!

The game is on. Blinds are $25/$50 and the tourney pays the top three only.

The game starts out quite tight. There is a little splashing around here and there, but for the most part a raise will take down the blinds most times. The golf pro shows up a bit late, but still manages to beat the the Mouth to the game who finally shows up, late as usual and immediately starts complaining about the valet parking, security at the door, his appearance fee, his seat, the blind structure and of course tries to lean the buyin.

The game slowly starts to gain some momemtum though.

Players settle into their seats and start making moves, out of the box the Rapper continues his ways from the last home game and reraises weakness mercilessly.

Ace is the first out.

Slowly Nice Guy Eddie, Alejandro, and the Golf Pro fall by the wayside also and the cash game gets started in the high roller room.

Meanwhile the bubble is approaching and the players can start smelling mountains of cash that is the prize money, or is that Ace’s chicken wings?

Dinner break for some delicious wings and salad. Nice Guy Eddie tries to break Joey Chestnuts world record for chicken wings and falls just shy, most likely due to the two super size big mac meals he had on the way over.

After the dinner break the final five aggree to put the game on pause for a couple so they can hit the washroom, grab some nicotine and assorted other duties.

Woody writes a page for himself in history beside the infamous Poker Dave shower and backs up the toilet on the break.

After much mocking the player’s settle back in and get the game underway again.

The players have shuffled around a bit and again the Mouth finds himself out of position against the Rapper who is on the Button and raises the Mouth’s blind. Not a great place for the Mouth to be as his stack is a little below average.

Call.

Out comes a 6 high flop and the Mouth shoves the rest of his stack in the middle and gets called by the Rapper who shows top pair, top kicker and fades the other two cards to take down the Mouth and make it 4 handed.

The player fold it around for a bit, raise, fold, raise, fold, Chef seems to be catching cards now and is slowly making dents in the stack of J6 who ends up pushing from the small blind and getting a reluctant call from Woody who tables KQ and hits a K to take down the A6 of J6 and send him to the rail as the bubble boy.

The final 3 agree to chop the winning and get the cash game going in earnest as it seems that Nice Guy Eddie is already on tilt and things are getting juicy already.

Not much in terms of play in the opening hands except that Nice Guy Eddie continues to try and bluff his way through the Rapper and loses most of his stack getting his value bet/bluff called on the river.

Hand of the night is easily the 4 way all in between Golf Pro, Chef, Alejandro and the Mouth. AQ vs KK vs AQ vs 33.

Mouth says he is due to hit his set and sure enough does on the river, only the flopped nut flush from the Golf Pro has already sealed the hand for him.

I’d like to talk more about the game but had to go cover some other football game that was playing that night and to take off shortly after that.

Another great day at Ace’s tournament though, a big thanks to Ace and Mrs. Ace for their hospitality and hard work in putting together such a great day as always!

I’m not sure if this guy knows that you aren’t supposed to drink wine out of a beer bong, but I guess that’s a different story altogether.

The interview slowly degrades into a conversation about who is the hottest figure skater of all time and I turn the recorder off because this isn’t really going the direction I was hoping.

A couple more hours of wine and the limo driver comes to take us to the Captain’s for the game.

We all pile in the limo and I’m getting little sound bites here and there from J6 and the Rapper on the game ahead, J6 says he’s going to play his usual tight aggressive game and the Rapper is trying to figure out how to plug his i-pod into his phone so you can record crank calls to the Mouth.

The game has the Rapper, Woody, the Captain, Alejandro, Tiny Tim, J6 and the Mouth, I can’t remember all the details myself as the Champagne in the limo on the way over got a little out of hand and I’m pretty sure the Rapper stole my recorder for some shenanigans later.

There are some very dangerous things in life, Compton, loaded guys, Enriched Uranium, Grizzly bears on Meth, and the Rapper with as many cocktails in him and chips in front of him.

“I raise”

“I re-raise”

“I raise”

“I’m all in”

“I raise”

“raise”

Hand after hand the Rapper takes down pots with who knows what, well, in fact he does show the odd bluff here which I think may have only made the situation worse.

The other players try and fight for orphan pots when the Rapper for some reason decides that T7 isn’t good enough to play to a raise and a re-raise from early position. The Mouth is obviously not happy with the Rapper sitting on his left raising his action all the time and his frustration shows later int he night which results in the Mouth pushing all in with 72 on a 26J flop and getting called by the Rapper with AJ. The Mouth throws some chairs around and goes over for his post game interview rant and is gone.

Things wrap up shortly after that with the Rapper walking with the lions share of the winnings for the night and promising to play a little tighter at the upcoming tournament at Ace’s.

Less than 24 hours till the biggest sports event of the year.

All the the top companies in the world have been working since last year to craft commercials for the most expensive time slot in the world.

Households around North America have been planning for weeks and months to have everything perfect for a whole day of the greatest sporting event on the planet.

Yes folks, I’m talking about Aces yearly poker tournament.

It starts early, too early for this press reporter’s liking, only because I’ve been on the night shift ever since I shagged my editors college room mate…

and her twin sister…

and her yoga instructor.

But I digress.

The buzz is in the air, the fans are lined up, the interviews are being done and the showgirls are well…the showgirls are AWESOME!

More to come tomorrow.

Yes I know my boss looks just like Jennifer Aniston but I needed the money so I closed my eyes and gave her the best 2 hour orgasam of her life, picked up my check and was off to my next assignment.

Seems like the home game is starting a little late tonight so I make it over to J6’s house for an interview over dinner to get some background info on what’s happening in the EPT these days. (that’s Estonian Poker Tour for those not in the know). Well J6 was kind enough to allow us to raid his wine cellar for the dinner and interview and I have to say it was great to be able to get to see the man behind the poker face for some behind the scenes tips.

ARBF-So what is the key to your success in the home game J6?

J6-Three words my friend, tight, tight and tight.

ARBF-That’s a bit of a change from what we’ve been seeing from your play last year, is this a new strategy?

J6-Not at all. You don’t see all the times I fold Kings and Queens when I read my opponents for Aces, its not something you are going to see unless you have hole cams, but believe me, its what I do every day. Hell I fold AK all the time in tournaments, thats why I’m always at the final table my friend.

-to be continued

Is there any way you could lose playing against her?

Yes I’ll put the poker pictures of her first, because if I didn’t there is no way you would scroll down to see them

Now, *drum roll* for the non poker playing pictures.

Sorry, last one I have to put in large format. Because, well, you’ll see.

Who cares?

Like the song goes…it’s been awhile.

The boys have been playing still, maybe not as regular as before, but certainly a lot more regular than me.

It’s been even longer since I’ve done any writing though.

Why?

Not sure. Haven’t been inspired I guess. I’m sure not playing has a ton to do with it.

Been working a lot of nights and too many of them have been on game night, and well I’ve had to prioritize a bunch of trips instead of playing too, but I don’t regret those at all.

All that being said I’m back.

Happened to have the night off and after a 3 hour session of rolling Jiu Jitsu I was up for a fight of another kind.

Pulled up to the dock and walked the gang plank onto the Captain’s ship, was suprised to see only Woody in attendance so far with the Captain already there in the familiar seat with chips all ready to go.

In walks the Rapper, Alejandro, Ace and to everyone surprise English Bob and JT.

English Bob comes in with a keg of vodka and proceeds to pour a nice breakfast cocktail for himself and JT, the Rapper passes as he is still finishing off a monster glass of vodka and rockstar still.

The game is hectic to say the least, it starts off fairly mild mannered and tight with standard raises and re raises, a little big of chasing here and there, but it seems the game is in fact being played on a very slippery slope and that slope is lubricated by vodka.

I’d like to say that I can recall all the great hands, but I was one of the people who was on the vodka train that night and can’t seem to remember much more than the Rapper getting the best of Alejandro a few times, first with AK vs. KQ on a K high flop, next with AJ on an AJXQJ flush slop, and another time much later in the night with the Rapper on tilt after Woody hits a three outer against him on an all in hand an the Rapper cracks Alejandro’s Aces when he flops an open ended straight draw and shoves over Alejandro’s raise and manages to hit his card.

All in all a really fun night with lots of laughs and stacks and stacks of chips moving around the table. Pretty sure that Ace was the big winner for the night and English Bob left a bit lighter than he arrived.

Good times. Good times.

Bring on the sexy stews!

I bet you were expecting a picture of a can of Red Bull or something.

Suck it biatches!

I have lately become a fairly big fan of this delightful beverage, mostly due to working very late into the night, pulling double shifts and having to go 10+ hours without eating anything of substance. You can only drink so much coffee and well, the taste of it kinda grows on you after a while.

It certainly doesn’t hurt that it goes well with vodka, and as the delightful young lady who was buying me beverages the other night made me aware, can even mix with Champagne.

I know, I know,  mixing Champagne with Red Bull is probably a mortal sin, but it wasn’t vintage champagne, and well, she was buying them for me so it would be rude of me not to drink them.

What the hell are you talking about bro?

Nothing, other than I started the night with a couple Red Bulls and I think they are a good poker drink.

On with the show this is it!

The game is at the Captains despite the later start and earlier curfew we seem to be getting into.

The Rapper, J6, Captain, Woody, Alejando and Nice Guy Eddie get it started.

Ace is off on the European tour, Ontario is coming late and the Mouth still has problems sitting after the last couple prison rapes he has suffered at the table.

Props in play for suits.

Alejandro jams up the game early by bluffing the Captain out of a hand and showing the 72 to get things started. That pretty much put him on tilt for the rest of the night I think.

Hands and stacks go back and forth, up and down with the exception of J6 who can’t seem to ever have a hand hold up and gets sucked out on hand after hand after hand until finally he says “no mas” and hits the road.

That’s pretty much when Ontario arrives to take his place and then the game gets going.

“Props?” says the Rapper?

“Sure” replies Ontario

Ontario picks up the suit from J6 and adds Red/Black, over under paired flops and double and triple on combos.

This alone ships almost a full buyin at least back and forth between the Rapper and Ontario and gives two action junkies something to keep the game fresh.

It’s late in the game when the real prop comes in though.

The players throw on the Seven Deuce Bounty for the last half hour

Big stacks Woody and Nice Guy Eddie get into it with a big raise from Woody in position.

K74 comes the flop. Bet from Eddie and a call from Woody.

T on the turn. Nice Guy Eddie pushes all in and gets called from Woody.

Nice Guy Eddie turns over KQ for a massive lead and Woody says “you win you win I just have 72, I thought you were bluffing”

That would have been good had the 2 not hit on the river.

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

Nice Guy Eddie is felted, Woody is chipped up and everyone throws up a little in their mouth.

Nice hand.

Might as well muck em

“I never win with Aces”

Hang around poker players long enough and you will hear someone say this.

The general theory with AA is that you either win a small pot with them or lose a big one and the home game was certainly not going to be one to buck that trend.

I’ll just fast forward to the exciting part of the game if you all don’t mind.

The game is set at Chateau Ontario and present are Ontario, the Mouth, Alejandro, Ace, J6, and a couple of new fish. The Captain is absent given the possible late finish of the game running past his 11:30 curfew.

The Rapper arrives late and seizes the opportunity to box in the Mouth’s car so he can’t beat and early retreat.

In walks the Rapper with a wine bottle in hand fresh from work somewhat reticent of 2005 J6 and sets himself at the table with position on Ontario and the Mouth.

Chips are flipped over to the Rapper and cash exchanged and no sooner do the cards hit the table when Ontario says “props?”

A couple hands are go round as the details get worked out with the Rapper taking clubs from the soon to be leaving Alejandro for suits, and Ontario and the Rapper playing Red/Black flops and paired boards with doubles and triples both in play. This pretty much gives action on every hand where their is a flop and Ontario starts building a pretty decent stack off the Rapper with a run on Red Flops. The Rapper takes almost all of it back on a AAA with two black Aces flop though and to make it even better calls Ace’s hand of pocket ducks to totally wow the viewing audience at home.

And then things start to get ugly.

Ace has made himself a pretty nice stack with he decides to slow play AA against J6 with AK and gets crushed on a K44K8 and ends up doubling up J6 to a chip lead he would not relinquish for the rest of the night.

New Fish (no not that Fish)  gets involved when he decides to slow play AA vs the Rapper’s J9 and can’t get rid of it on a JJ8T8 board and gets felted.

A couple players call it a night but that only seems to increase the gamble with the game getting short handed and down players trying to claw their way back up to positive.

The game gets progressively looser and looser as the Mouth gets felted and goes on a bit of a mini tilt trying to win it all back since he can’t get his car out (remember the Rapper?) 

 The remaining players are quite content to play a straddle with the occasional double and triple straddle even hitting the table.  It’s late in the wee hours when said triple straddle is made by the Rapper who gets reraised  by the Mouth who gets two callers to his surprise or glee whichever way you want to look at it.

The flop comes K85 and New Fish with a beard ships his stack in the middle UTG and gets snapped called by the Mouth, the Rapper decides now might be a good time to look at his cards and see what he has and peaks down at… 55 and almost breaks his wrist getting his chips in the middle calling.

Over go the cards and the KQ from New fish is in serious trouble to the AA from the Mouth who needs help and can’t catch the two outer. The Rapper stacks two with one blow and ends the game.

Big winner was J6 with Ontario making a nice run at the end to only owe a bit of paper to the Rapper who would have been up even more if their were more than 5 black cards in the deck.